Tempat Yang Terasingkan

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat terjauh dari hatimu. Tempat  menyimpan rindu – rindu yang tidak terungkapkan.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat yang menampung luka – luka yang berserakan. Tempat jatuhnya ribuan tetes air mata.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat yang bahkan engkau enggan untuk sekedar menoleh. Melihat semua penderitaan dan menyaksikan beribu kepiluan yang mendalam.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat yang tak mungkin engkau temukan. Mengamati engkau dari kejauhan.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat yang bahkan sebelah mata saja kau tak pandang. Memperhatikan tanpa ada yang terlewatkan.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat yang hanya aku punya kuncinya. Merekam semua yang kau katakan.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat dimana aku mencoba mengabadikan senyuman – senyuman. Mencoba menghapus peluh yang terkadang datang.

Aku masih disini. Mencoba berharap agar kau sadar, bahwa ada seorang yang selalu meninggikanmu dalam segala hal.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat yang selalu kau abaikan. Di balik senyuman yang kutegar – tegarkan.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat reruntuhan hati. Di balik air mata yang selalu kusembunyikan.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat pusat titik kejenuhan. Di ujung pangkal kekecewaan.

Aku masih disini. Di dasar kubur air mata. Di antara puing – puing harapan.

  

Semoga ini bukanlah batas akhir dari penantian. Karena layaknya sebuah penantian tidak akan pernah berakhir.

Aku masih di sini. Di tempat bermimpi yang tak berkesudahan. Mencoba berlari tapi tetap bertahan. Mencoba melupakan namun kutahu tak semudah membalikkan telapak tangan.

Ah, semoga ini hanyalah sebuah mimpi yang panjang.

Kini biarkan aku terbangun dan jangan pernah paksa aku untuk sekedar menoleh tempat yang terasingkan.

Escaping

I am not the type of person who likes to be alone, but sometimes I like to have my own space.
I like to take my laptop and download some old-ish songs that remind me of the memories.
I like to let my imagination takes over myself and roaming around the impossible places that I couldn’t reach if I do it myself. Places where only the sounds of the wind that I could hear, the pictures of the memories that I could see, the feelings of the unspoken words that I could say.
That’s just how I clean my thoughts.

I like to leave the ground behind.
I will take one of my favorite novels, and put my earphone on and get drown in a new world.
I like to daydream what I am gonna do in 5 years, who will I end up settle down with, or sometimes I like to replay the old memories like why?
Why I said those things?
Why I let that happened?
Why didn’t I do this?
Well something like that.

A lot of people said that I’m delusional. They said I am too imaginative. But what they don’t know is, I’m just trying to replay those things, I’m trying to do the cross-check about the things that had happened.
I have to finish what I’ve started. That’s what I’ve always said to myself, because there were so many things that I left halfway.  And since then I’ve always kept in mind, when things happen I have to finish it for good. If I fight, I have to end it with peace. If I get hurt, I have to forgive. That is what I called as responsibility, that’s what I called as loyalty, and I am still learning about it.

I like to create scanarios in my head. When I read a book or watch a movie, I like to think differently. What if this girl goes to other place, or sometimes I like to do a roleplay where I am the main character in that book and experience the things in its world.
Or when I listen to a song, I like to mark it as my favorite and start to imagine things about that song. I like to connect the dots, draw a line and compare my life with that song.

Everyone has their own way to escape from the real world, build their safehaven. And this is how I do it, this is my safehaven where I will just gonna drop the thoughts that I have in mind and explore myself in a whole new perspective, in a whole new world.
When I can’t travelling, my mind does the job. Swarming around the street and bring me to my intention where it answers all the curiosity. When I think about someone who hurt me and then I will just visit my memory lane until I found what I've been looking for, forgiveness and affection.
Many people misapplied their imagination, and it will just bring them down to the bottom of the cliff of confusion. When in fact, imagination shouldn’t have brought you down to a deluded place. It should’ve been an enhance button that helps you to understand things that you need to do.

I like to refresh bad memories of mine. Memories that can only hurt me and that can open the old wounds. I like to gateaway to start afresh and bury all those memories at the back of mind. I like to have my own space so I can really feel the feeling of being present. And disenchant myself for every heartbeat, for every breath, for every blink of eyes that those rubbish thoughts and memories are nothing compared to what I have now.
It’s like you put off your heavy bag, your jacket, your shoes, and let loose your tight ponytail, that’s all a realief, that bring out a satisfactory sigh.

Like a notebook that full filled with handwriting.
When a blank a paper is full with our handwriting, just turn the page and start another one.
Clean, new, and ready to be written.

Like a new novel, we open a new chapter.
We don’t know what we’re going to read ahead, unless we start reading it now. And then we will find out.

My life could be little and boring for you. But at least it’s mine; not some assembly-line, autopilot life driven by media.

And this is how I do it, to start something new. With silent, thinking, and letting go.
How about you?